“I know thy works and thy labor and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them that are evil; and how thou hast tried them that say they are apostles and are not, and hast found them liars; and hast borne, and hast patience, and for My name’s sake hast labored and hast not fainted. Nevertheless, I have something against thee, because thou hast left thy first love.” Revelation 2: 2-4

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It’s all too easy. Forsaking our first love. Working and laboring tirelessly in the name of love, but leaving behind the butterflies in exchange for a clean kitchen and empty trash bin.

Yesterday, as Ben and I were on our way to church- he driving and me in the back seat as is our new normal- I was faced with this truth. I sat next to Boden’s carseat cooing, singing, and talking to him and watching is entire face light up. I couldn’t resist his kissable face and held his hands so he would know he was not alone. I don’t remember exactly the words I used, but I said something to Bo and from the front seat, I heard Ben say to his son, “your mom used to say that to me.” He said it with a smile, and I smiled back, laughing it off, but I was shaken all the same. Was it true? Had I transferred my love from one to another that easily?

Bo loves music. Often I will play music from my computer as he and I go about our day at home together… and more often than not, I will sing along while smiling down at him, which he adores. Many of these are love songs- like “Gotta Have You” by the Weepies, “Free” by Zac Brown Band, and “Your Song” by Elton John- that I direct to his little blue eyes. Sometimes I can’t even get through a complete phrase without kissing his little wet lips just to watch him squeal in delight and turn his face to “kiss” me back.

Sometimes these moments remind me of the times when I was so infatuated with Ben that I could not resist kissing him! He always hated “PDA” (Public Displays of Affection), yet I would shower him with kisses as often as I could sneak them! I made him playlists and sang to him. Sometimes I could even convince him to dance with me in the kitchen when no one was looking. We haven’t done that in a while…

I also got to thinking about my true first love. My love for Christ. I can still remember those first years when I understood what it meant to be saved and to have a personal relationship with Jesus. I used to tear up during worship time at summer camps and write letters to God in my journal. The sad truth is that I was probably never infatuated the way I have been with these other men in my life. I have not found spending time with Christ irresistible or been tempted to display my affection for him publicly whenever I get a chance. What a shame.

This morning, I texted Ben at work, which is our typical morning greeting during the week when he leaves for work before I get up to feed Bo. He texted back saying that he had found an old love letter from me in his devotional book and that “it was nice.”

Today, I’m going to return to my first loves. I’m going to talk with Jesus and sing him a love song. Then, I’m going to write my husband a love letter. I’m going to remind him (and myself) how much I love him! I’m going to return to that thirsty love and give it some much needed water. I’m going to kiss him when he gets home from work…and maybe tonight we’ll dance in the kitchen.

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